I've been reading about multiverses, and apparently there's another Ernie Hebert out there. He does everything I do only backwards in time. After taking some pills laying around the medicine cabinet I was able to gain access to our parallel universe and briefly change places with the anti-Ernie Hebert.
I found myself standing outside by my woodpile, feeling relief and satisfaction. I unzipped my fly. Suddenly, a stream of urine came out of the ground up toward me. Luckily, it didn't hit me in the eye but struck my penis dead center and filled my bladder.
Next thing I knew I had a wicked urge to pee. I zipped up my fly and walked backwards into the house that I shared with the anti-Medora Hebert. I walked down the stairs backwards to my desk, sat down and typed the last line of this story.